Burning Bridges

We all have had our share of burning bridges. Friends, family, colleagues or even bosses. If you haven’t done it then something is really wrong with you.You are not a homosapien. I had a friend once get suspicious about me, when I said I am no longer in talking terms with some real good friends and am still trying to figure out what went wrong. Those relationships just snapped without me doing anything. While she has never gone through such a time and has a strong network of friends, I reckon she thought there is something wrong with me, I could feel it. She said you actually come across as quarrelsome because of your frankness. I kept wondering how can frankness be deduced as quarrel. Apart from those relationships that fell apart, I had other relationships fall apart only because of other reasons other than me being me. On the contrary, I don’t regret them at all.

Relationships teach you a number of life lessons. Breaking up with friends or anyone else teaches you what you are not supposed to do. But there is yet another very important lesson that I learnt. The universal truth is You came alone and you leave alone in the world. No one is going to be there with you when you leave, not even the love of your life.

So what have I learnt breaking up? These may teach you a thing or two.

Friends – Its ok! Go on and make new ones. It might take time the older you get. But you will eventually make some. The right ones will stick around. I don’t cry anymore when I am leaving a place with all my friends in it. Because I know the real ones will care to keep in touch and will be the same with me even after 20 years. The others well, you know. I don’t feel sad leaving anyone. Dettachment is good. You learn to be on your own.

Colleagues – Remember the ground rule. Workplace is a really bad place for making friends. Even if you do, you need to learn to separate your professional and personal life. I had a colleague I just hated, but I had to be in good terms with her. But once we parted ways after quitting, I simply ticked her off my Facebook list ( yeah she was on my list don’t ask me why) and I don’t give a damn anymore.

Bosses – These guys can make life horrible for you. There are those guys who are nice, then there are the slimy ones. The slimy ones try to get everything their way. Well I remember one of my bosses hiring 2 girls from management school only based on the way they looked. Yes! Lucky women. They are already flying in their careers. Trust me when I tell you their presentation during recruitment was sad. I was on the recruitment panel and we never casted our vote for them, but what do you know. They got hired. Sorry, I can’t take such hypocrites.

Family – If you have burnt bridges with your immediate family, I would say fix it. This is the only relationship even over friendship worth your time and effort in fixing. Parents are the ones who vest their lives in us. Siblings are our first friends. Its all worth it. However if it has something to do with the extended family, it really depends. You can try to fix it but if the cut is really deep its ok to not do so. Really.

At the end of the story, always retrospect. You cannot always be that good. You are human and capable of errors. But don’t live on that string forever. Break it when you have to. For example, I had someone once gift me a bracelet saying I am her best friend. Well in a few days she turns around and attaches a price tag on it saying her husband was asking about it and all her sob stories followed to gain sympathy That’s it. I returned it and broke it off silently. She did come back to speak, but the damage was already done. Did I feel bad. N0t really. I have been through such things so many times that it doesn’t bother me anymore. But I have decided there is no room for such people. So should you, so go ahead, burn it.

A story of a story.

I write stories in my head everyday

Just to tell you everything about my life

I always thought you are a part of me,

You were everything I had.

But you refuse to talk, you refuse to stay

Everyday instead of stories, I beg,

Give me a reason why, give me your day.

But you never have the time, I am never in your mind

Life is always only about you, even when I am just a phone call away.

I ask God, why did man make inventions?

They are of no use to me. 

Lost and breaking a little everyday

Is my heart that I am prepared to throw away.

But I try bring it all back from the bin, bit by bit,piece by piece

Sew it back to live a little more tomorrow,

And write another story in my head

To tell you how I felt,

Again you are not there, yet I say.

Pain is all I feel, tears are all I have held.

Indian Corporates are insensitive to a lot of things

A ground-breaking reality has been highlighted on TV, through an ad. It’s about how corporate companies behave with women and pregnancy. Though I haven’t come to the latter stage yet, I would say that corporates in India still have a lot to learn from the west. Here I will be putting down my experiences with companies I worked with.

For a major part I worked with international ad agencies, which at the end of the day are corporates like any other. But here is the truth about these companies from my experience.

  1. Woman or not, you have no flexibility with time. Often corporates forget that Indian women are people who even have a home to look after. Most of the husbands don’t cook. They need to ready the kids, go to work only to make ends meet and come back to make a meal. In between they are given task of going to a relative’s place or school. They need a couple hours off. But companies expect her to come to office on time, or she will be marked half day (pay cut). She can’t choose to work remotely either.
  2. It’s ok to go late even if you are a woman, especially in Mumbai only for the fact that its safe. I understand safety, but women don’t have stamina as much as men do. Let’s get these facts straight. They have several other things to do after going home. But companies don’t get that. On the contrary, because of the lack of safety in other metro cities, this part is atleast respected and women are let go early or a cab is arranged.
  3. Some male team leaders turn out to be really nice, but there are some who just try to thrust in their superiority. But companies don’t sit up and notice these things. Who complains anyway. Female team leaders, and if you are a woman subordinate yourself, God save you. Women bosses make the world’s most horrible bosses. Period. If you have a woman boss, please keep your eyes open, or switch your team, or simply leave the company. No matter how nice she behaves, her superiority complex will never leave her.
  4. Indian men love white skin, especially white women. No matter how stupid they sound, or how bad they are at their work, people still stoop down to white skin. Dude, come on. We are all human beings. if they behave stupid, please tell them they are, rather than nod your Indian head and say ‘yes, as you say’.
  5. Some companies, no matter how far they are located, they wouldn’t provide official transport. Why not? We will pay for the damn thing, but why can’t they arrange one, damn it?
  6. I have seen lot of my colleagues who have been asked to sit on weekends and work. I have been there too, but these days I just make it clear weekends are not for work. To some of my ex -bosses, this didn’t go down too well. Which eventually led to politics.
  7. Politics I am sure happens everywhere. But people get as manipulative as they can and misuse their positions. But the leadership never really listens to the people down below.
  8. Increments in your pay make your employee love you even more. Companies don’t get it. Infact MNC’s actually think they don’t need to pay the Indians so much at all. If X company is US based, the Indian counterparts get a message asking them to freeze increments, while increments will be on in full swing in the USA. Why nod to this gesture. Why should we take this shit?

Since I realized I am not made for the corporate world, I chose to take a break from the system. For the others, please get a life. Seriously. Corporate isn’t life at all. I am savouring the real life now!

Should prostitution be legalized in India? Someone just had too many answers.

I came across a video being shared by Logical Indian asking people in the city of Bangalore, if prostitution should be legalized.

There were mixed opinions (as usual) but there were many who said rapes will stop/reduce. Okay, what made you all think legalizing will reduce rapes? There was a detailed comment on the comment section of the page, which I couldnt help notice and laugh my brains out, and to which I have answers for. All the italicized sentences were written by the lady in the comments section. Don’t believe, you can check it out on the link yourself.

think it should be legalized because
i) this will help preventing young people/trafficking from entering this profession. (The age limit to enter this field can be 21 years)

How will this prevent trafficking? Say it’s legal, and the you don’t want to get into this profession. But you look so beautiful and young and 14, good enough to be in this by that pimp who is looking at you right now right across the road. He is thinking of whisking you away, and why not, its a legal profession now right? All he needs to do is ask you to shut your mouth or he will burn your face if you open your mouth about how you got there.

 
ii) Prostitution has been going on since many centuries, since it can’t be stopped the Government can legalize it and see to many aspects of the profession.

Even if it gets legalized the mentality of your pimp and trafficker will not change. Government will see to what aspects, like “How they we make more income from this?”


iii) It might help the Government in reducing rape cases.

There again. How the hell will making this legal reduce rapes?? If a pervert sees a girl on the road alone at night, he is not going to control himself and think ‘hey, I feel so aroused. I will go back to the street and pick up a pin up and feel better about seeing you on the road. Prostitution is legal, friends. Yay’ 


iv) People who suffer in this profession due to pimps and mediators need some rights and guarantees hence to protect them it must be legalized.

The only people I see who are suffering are the prostitutes themselves. Government, once legalized, will only assign a few rules and regulations, which will not necessarily be followed by the pimps and pimpettes. Have you seen any Indian follow or stick to rules? This just gives them a better reason to go ahead and do their job with arms wide open.


v) The Government will have proper statistics as to how many tak
e to this profession and how are they brought to the field.

Hahahah statistics? Like there aren’t statistics already going around about how people end up here and have no way out because of no solid evidence! 


vi) Exploitation of prostitutes and also spread of viral diseases (by doing regular check-ups) can be kept in control through this and hygeine issues can also be dealt with.

How does legalization allow regular check ups? Going to the doctor is legal, but do you regularly go to the doc and find out if you have a disease or does the government send you emails to go and get your check up done? Government is a government not an NGO. NGO means Non Government Organizations FYI. 


vii) There are certain people who do not have access to sex (lonely and unmarried people, divorced, widower/widows etc), hence their rights also need to be protected through the legalization.

Huh? What rights of their was questioned anyway? If they are losers they are losers. If they want to go they will go and do what they feel like. What are you even talking about. 


viii) The legalization will help the Government in generating some form of income tax, revenue.

You seem to be damn concerned about the Government income, like you aren’t paying enough taxes to the bureaucrats anyway, who sit away in the parliament with air conditioners on 24/7 and others are dying in power cuts.

Dude, get your head checked before answering with such details. Your reasons are absurd!

Coming back to reality

Hi everyone!!! I found an old poem I wrote almost a decade ago and just forgot! I was fresh out of college, working then. As a matured writer today, I just can’t believe how creative I was back then. Definitely better with a young, wild and free mind. What’s more surprising is, how there is not much of a difference back then and today. This still holds true. City in context is Bombay.(i still love the place though) Anyway here goes!

I wrote a few lines about the moon and sky
Till I hit backspace to think
“Why the hell am I writing abstract
When there’s so much about reality to begin.”

There are just two seasons I know of, where I live
So called, Summer and Monsoon.
Both the times you drip to your feet
And stuff yourself more junk than what you can eat.
One travels all day and work happens for an hour or few
Here temper, work pressure and electricity bills hit the roof.

My home is where your own vehicle can make you poor
As petrol prices increase with your blood pressure,
Where auto and taxi drivers shake heads from left to right
While the janta finds newer reasons to go on strike.
Government loves to decide age limit for alcohol
Who cares? All drink generously till they fall.

I live in a country where people fight for fame.
Film stars and reality shows become the talk of the day
While newer Facebook and Twitter stories make way,
There is always a Anna or a Baba who wins the game.
Write a book that can be banned, or paint a portrait and die.
The Get Famous formula reads “Get into a controversy or make a famous lie.”

I call this place home where society is driven by rules
The sinned are considered outcasts, and the sinners are let loose.
I do wish tomorrow could be better, I wish, I pray
But like every other human here, I am hiding in the shadows, till I see that day.

Day 3 – The Breakaway From Social Media

Some food for thought.

sigh

Today is Day 3 since I have been off WhatsApp and Facebook. This is where it all began. Well the good thing maybe, I have stopped checking my phone frequently, the bad thing is no one except a couple of people and parents remember you. Funniest is, the person who you would expect to make more calls, doesn’t really call except just a couple of times only to see if you are alive, not really to talk or ask what the matter is all about. There, face the truth. You matter to only a handful of people on Earth. I got my friend calling me frantically since yesterday. I got a friend abroad, frantically messaging me on Facebook because I haven’t quite knocked off the Messenger. But, my mood refuses to pick up the phone. I am on a downside here at the moment – life and otherwise, and when I have always been someone who needs people around me to make me feel better, for the first time I feel like being left alone. But cutting off definitely makes you think and rethink about a lot of things. Improves your concentration too. I made perfect fried eggs, sunny side up and runny and perfect. I made spaghetti with a garlic aioli and I concentrated on what I ate. I got the taste of every ingredient because my mind was off the phone and social media for a change. I didn’t dress my salad too much, in fact made it just right. I wrote more blog posts. There was one part of me that just couldn’t concentrate on work, and another that just got me working. This reminds me of a movie, because the character portrayed on it, I feel it’s so me. But that’s another topic, for another time. But what I didn’t realize is my parents are on social media too. They get awfully concerned if they don’t see me on it, but they are people who call me every single day. To not make them sad or scared, I had to talk to them, tell them that I am on a break.

Day 1 and 2, I was filled with anger,hatred and remorse. I went around pulling down photographs around the house. I ate less. Day 3 I am calmer. I put back the photo frames. But they were just photos to me.  They actually didn’t make me smile. Some things I do everyday, like reading greeting cards and flipping through pictures, I have stopped doing them. 3 days in a row. No, I am not bipolar or mentally unsound. Its called redemption. I am getting into a more calm and composed mode, where I have no extremes of any kind of feeling. But that’s so not me. I like the chirpy me.

The bad things again are you forced into believing no one really cares about you and actually everyone takes you for granted. This is the problem with Facebook and WhatsApp. People stop checking on you over the phone because they only check your ‘Last Seen..’. Makes you regret a lot of things in life on the flipside when you start realizing the upside. What if something really happens to you, and then only if for 15 days they don’t hear from you, they will get back. As compared to not being on it, every other day your true well wishers will check on you to see if you are doing okay.

Taking a break from social media is not just an experiment from me, but also a way to face my fears, the harsh truths of life, and make me more independent. Let me just say, I DON’T LIKE BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

Women of porn and women of reality.

The world seems to have become more accepting about adult content. Every Tom, dick (lower case on purpose if you get what I mean😛 ) and ‘hairy’ watches it. Women watch it too. But there are several women out there who actually have to bear the brunt of porn.

Let’s come to the real woman. She doesn’t really have over grown body parts and artificial transplants. She comes with the natural gifts God sent her with. The modern woman has accepted that the man she is out with watches stuff too and has a ‘hard drive full of it'(take that in which ever sense you want). But then I start hearing the news from different places how the man starts expecting her to be like ‘the woman of his wet dreams’. While some go on expectation mode, some others go to dreamland. Their current partner ain’t good enough, uh uh. While his partner is useful for the real thing, his dreams have the other women. The dumb woman here will be thinking flowers, clothes, chocolates and some love from her partner. Sadly, she doesn’t know that this guy doesn’t just watch porn, he dreams about those women too, and somewhere they have become a part of his integral life, you are not even in his dreams woman! He’s bored of you maybe. Then there are the other ones, who may just watch it but have accepted their women for who they are. Few are those kind of men in this world.

It actually makes me sick. Absolutely sick. I am not against the adult entertainment industry, nor the actors or anything related, atleast they do keep the animals tamed. But what totally ticks me off is the surging expectation level. Why do you think domestic violence has increased? One reason is that man in that house expects his wife to not just make him his dinner but also be the icing on the cake like some bloody porn brunette. It sickens me to see people who I know are couples, but when I see them individually on Twitter, I know what that man is upto. He’s been following all the busty women he can. Ugggh. Pity that woman. I sincerely pity that woman. No, I am not disgusted.

Listen men, you can’t always expect your woman to come there in her laces and a whip. You can’t always expect her to outgrow her body like the women of your dreams. You can’t expect her to always be dressed from head to toe everyday, doing her hair, putting on cleavage creams, wear the cat ears and ask you to come get her. NO! She is much more than just a sex object! She is a woman. She is emotionally led. There are many other things she is capable of. And her needs are different. Here are some of the most common ones. She needs her man to tell her that he loves her for who she is, and not what she has. And yes, she needs to be told that. She doesn’t have busty women coming in her dreams everyday conveying your message. You may need to tell her a 100 times in a 100 days, it’s cheaper than getting chocolates and flowers atleast! And no, I don’t say she is always right. She maybe wrong a zillion times, she maybe more expectant than your expectations. But at the end of the day, if she asks you only to show your love in the smallest way possible, or atleast says she wishes to hear your voice for maybe just 1/2 a minute out of 24 hours, you know you have got yourself the woman for life who will never leave you.

So stop dreaming and take some time off from that hard drive. Make up for all the bad days you have given her.

The Experiment – Saying Goodbye to Social Media.

Today will be an epic day to remember. For the first time in all these years I decided get off Facebook and Whatsapp, hopefully for a while. I do not wish to stay in touch with anyone on social networking for as long as I can let myself.

Is this a social experiment? Possibly. Is it anger or depression? Possibly. Anything. Possibly.

I am on a journey to redeem myself and see who are the people who are truely concerned about me. This WILL prove that. Out those 100 people you see on FB,  if 10 people atleast manage to contact you on phone, then you know those 10 people are your friends for life. This experiment will also prove how much your family is family. It will be hard, but not impossible. If I can take my mind of these, I am already nearing sainthood.

Social Media Nirvana.

Why nirvana? For example, Whatsapp has been the culprit for so many of saddest moments in life. It shows me ‘last seen’of loved ones. It makes your partner take you for granted. Like if he sees you on Whatsapp, it means you are all fine. He won’t ever bother asking how are you doing. That just makes you feel worse. He stops calling you and tries always saving up money by calling you on Whatsapp. Sorry. I am traditional and I refuse to be taken for granted.

Being on Whatsapp, lets you chat with your friends, but you just tell them everything on it that finally meeting them is never a plan. And you justtake it for granted after a while.

Being on Facebook makes them take you for granted too. Everyone right from friends to family. If you are on FB you are doing good, if you are not, no one bothers.

But today I am out to see who really is bothered. Let me tell you, whatever happens to me in the next few days is all in the hands of God now, not social media. and anything could happen, like how I got stuck in the lift, like how I almost got abducted by a drunken rickshaw driver yesterday, etc. etc. If you are really bothered, show me that you are. Else believe I never existed.

Thoughts in a dysfunctional elevator

Today, I had a really scary time. If that’s not enough, I have had some scary incidents happen in the past 2 days, and this together makes in a hattrick.

I was returning after a client meeting and got into the lift. I usually prefer taking the stairs to the office, but Miss Lazybones was her lazy self today and did not think there would be a power trip. As destiny would have written, it happened.

I was just a few inches away from the ground, and the lift just stops. Its extremely dark, and its a damn small lift. I realized that I have a ‘crammed space phobia’ and if that’s not all I have developed a lift-o-phobia as well now. I waited for 2 minutes thinking the power would come back on. But nothing happened. Then I thought, I should call one of my colleagues and ask them for help. Then I realized I don’t have any colleague’s number, except one who’s already left for a meeting. However, the office landline will help. Then I see there is absolutely no connectivity! Bummer!

I used the light of the phone to search for the alarm. I jabbed on it but nothing happened. Damn! The alarm wasn’t working! I was totally stuck. If that’s not all, I am asthmatic. I develop breathing trouble in closed and extreme temperature spaces, hot or cold. Now no more Miss Braveheart.

Thud! Thud! Thud!

I started pounding on the door and screamed for help. At that time I was wondering, “Will anyone hear me?” I continued to scream for help and pounding with mixed feelings. Will I fall due to breathlessness, Is the lift stuck in between a wall that even if help comes, they can’t lift me up? What if there are no lift engineers available today? Has my death day arrived?

Truely, this was extremely scary. Forget those romantic movies where a woman and man start making love when the lift is stuck. If ever I do get stuck with a handsome man, sorry I refuse to get into my romantic self, because I know this is exactly what will happen to me.

The worst part of my life is…probably worse. All the people I know don’t stay close to where I work! My partner is in another state all together and he doesn’t bother picking up the phone for anything being ‘busy’ as he puts it. My parents are in a different state. If ever I need to get admitted in a hospital, no alternate number is going to help because even my friends are far away. I would die before they reach here.

Such creepy thoughts just kept creeping inside me. Finally, I realized its not time yet for the Grimm Reaper to come. I heard sounds of people saying “wait wait we are getting help!” Yet i was blindfolded by my negative thoughts. I was almost about to cry. I realized at that moment, ”We all are born alone, and will leave alone”. No amount of affection from your parents, marriage vows or anything will save you. But I don’t want to die lonely. I want a happy death. I always have wished to die beside my partner, hand-in-hand, and really old. He probably doesn’t know I think this way, but yes, i do. Yes, and I have always wished I die before my loved ones leave me. Because, I can’t ever imagine my life without them. Even if I live, I would probably just be dysfunctional myself. I am a die-hard emotional and sensitive nincompoop.

There, by then I had already even told the Grimm Reaper in my head my secret thoughts. Luckily, the people out there turned out to be my colleagues who had stepped out for coffee. They turned the power back on somehow and got the lift working.

After that I decided, NO MORE ELEVATORS!

Wishlist 2015

Yayyy. My wishlist is finally here. I can’t believe it I didn’t make one this year. Its probably because I just didn’t feel like wishing anything owing to some circumstances. But I did notice that I managed to do a lot of stuff from my previous year’s wishlist. This year I am hoping to achieve a lot more.

  1. Learn a different language. And I am already at it. I am learning French!
  2. Make a lot of money. For what? For many many things I want to do in future or rather next year. I am on saving mode. Save up save up!
  3. I need to do a trip abroad next year. I kept 2 years aside, and next year has to be it!
  4. I learnt oil painting last month. And I hope to make and sell a gigantic painting. Need to begin on my masterpiece this year!
  5. Buy one expensive designer wear. I don’t know when will that day come.
  6. Learn to ride a bike. I am planning to buy one too.
  7. Wear more makeup. My previous workplace was so demotivating. Now that I am out, I am going to make myself look good!
  8. Make my first fondant cake
  9. I am not much of a goalsetter career wise. My ultimate motive is to be happy with whatever I do. I hope to find that dream job though. Should be very convenient for me in everyway. Distance wise, moneywise and most importantly workwise!
  10. I am entering my 30’s this year. I hope I have lot of fun ahead!